she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
