Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
someone owes me an orgasm
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
