I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize