They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
