Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
