I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
