he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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