yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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