i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
