I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
