He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
