I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
