I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
