Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I would ride that face into the sunset
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
