I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
