i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
