$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
