oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
