We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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