They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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