have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
