well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize