Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
