So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
