but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
