Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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