He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
