so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
