u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
