Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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