actually, I'm a sock model
I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize