I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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