Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
