Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
