I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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