we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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