You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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