Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
