Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
