I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
