Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize