Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
