If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
