Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
