I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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