its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
