i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Everclear isn't food dammit
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
