you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
