There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
