Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
