Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
