This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
