You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
