she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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