how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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