Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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