Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
