Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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