You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
