I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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