He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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