I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize