Don't you send me to vm
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
