i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
