Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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