So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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