Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
