So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
