Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
