she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
