I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
